may be before u make any complaint about ur job, kindly sit back and see this kind of job which may be even worst for u. Be thankful.
Source of photos : Unknown.
9 years ago
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Don't Complaint, Be Thankful
As HR practitioner, I always hear workers complaint about their job. They even complaint about the weather which make them not comfortable to work, bloody hell!
may be before u make any complaint about ur job, kindly sit back and see this kind of job which may be even worst for u. Be thankful.
Source of photos : Unknown.
may be before u make any complaint about ur job, kindly sit back and see this kind of job which may be even worst for u. Be thankful.
Source of photos : Unknown.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Nine words women use...
1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I'll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!
9.) Don't worry about it, I'll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Jokes : Wife vs Girlfriend
Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV, go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but handphone is cute, slim,
curvy and very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding,
Most Important, TV got remote.. HP don't have..
Last but not least........
TV do not have virus, but h/p yes..........have VIRUS............... once get it, terus KONG........hahahahaha......
so better choose TV .....
ADVERTISEMENT--------------------------------------------
At home watch TV, go out bring HP.
No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV, but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but handphone is cute, slim,
curvy and very portable at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding,
Most Important, TV got remote.. HP don't have..
Last but not least........
TV do not have virus, but h/p yes..........have VIRUS............... once get it, terus KONG........hahahahaha......
so better choose TV .....
ADVERTISEMENT--------------------------------------------
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
HOW TO PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES PROPERLY
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
Then analyse the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in InformationTechnology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
I. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has beenmoved, congratulate them and put them inTop Management.
Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heardfrom, put them in Government.
Foot Note :
It's just a joke! As HR practicioner, this is nonsense. Thanks Azmir for this joke.
2. Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
Then analyse the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in InformationTechnology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
I. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has beenmoved, congratulate them and put them inTop Management.
Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heardfrom, put them in Government.
Foot Note :
It's just a joke! As HR practicioner, this is nonsense. Thanks Azmir for this joke.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Some Wacky Qoutes
1) Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
- Albert Einstein
2) The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you meet a beautiful girl .
- Uzair Sait
3) The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
4) We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan
5) It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
6) Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
7) Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
8) Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
9) It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
10) Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
11) Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
12) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
13) Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
14) The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
15) Dont worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!
So, Keep Smiling!!!
Source :
hayasimmim.multiply.com
- Albert Einstein
2) The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you meet a beautiful girl .
- Uzair Sait
3) The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
4) We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan
5) It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
6) Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
7) Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
8) Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
9) It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
10) Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
11) Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
12) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
13) Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
14) The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
15) Dont worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!
So, Keep Smiling!!!
Source :
hayasimmim.multiply.com
Monday, March 24, 2008
Jokes : $64K Question
Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.
The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.
"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"
Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.
"Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"
Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.
"I'll try the easier part first."
The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."
The audience silenced with gross anticipation......
"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??"
The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.
"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"
Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.
"Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"
Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.
"I'll try the easier part first."
The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."
The audience silenced with gross anticipation......
"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??"
Friday, March 21, 2008
Jokes : Water
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Da-ad..." "What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
"Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
"Five minutes later...
"Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
Note :
What a cruel dad!
"Da-ad..." "What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
"Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
"Five minutes later...
"Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
Note :
What a cruel dad!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Jokes : Vacuum Cleaner
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will eat all this s***...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, Madam?"
"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"
Moral of the story :
Gather all required information before working on any project..
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will eat all this s***...!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, Madam?"
"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"
Moral of the story :
Gather all required information before working on any project..
Friday, March 14, 2008
Jokes : McDonald's love story
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything." Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered "THE TEETH"
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking: "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything." Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered "THE TEETH"
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Jokes : Human Resource Processes
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven ," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
-
-
-
-
-
-
Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.
"Welcome to Heaven ," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening owns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told...
-
-
-
-
-
-
Yesterday we were recruiting you, Today you are an employee.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
What is Marketing ?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say,
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer hera ride,
and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.
Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say,
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer hera ride,
and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.
Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
Friday, March 7, 2008
Jokes from United Kingdom
DEATH
Mr. B: (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Mr. B cries even louder.
Friend: what now?
Mr. B: my sister just called, her mom died too!
BRAIN TUMOR
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. B: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. B: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. B: Because that proves that I have a brain!
Mr. B: (crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Mr. B cries even louder.
Friend: what now?
Mr. B: my sister just called, her mom died too!
BRAIN TUMOR
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. B: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. B: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. B: Because that proves that I have a brain!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Jokes from India
Sardarji gets ready, wears his tie, coat and goes out, climbs a tree, and sits on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.
Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
****************************************************
Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with an open mouth?
Because his doctor advised him that "Today's dinner should be light"
****************************************************
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
Do you know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper was leak to
****************************************************
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!
*****************************************************
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first..!
*****************************************************
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
*****************************************************
Postman: - I had to come 5 Miles to deliver this package to you..
Sardar: - Why did you come so far? You could have just posted it
********************************************************
Sardar's wish: When i die, I wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the bus he was driving.. !
********************************************************
A teacher lecturing on population:
In India, every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a child.
A Sardar stands up and says, "We must find her & stop her"!
********************************************************
Sardar visits his Chinese friend who is dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says, "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find meaning in the friend's last words.
It meant, 'You are standing on the oxygen tube!" : ) : ) : )
********************************************************
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes
closed. His wife asked what you are doing?
He said. "I am seeing how I look when I sleep"!
*******************************************************
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...To avoid side effects!!!
*******************************************************
Man: Sardarji, where were you born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in Punjab"!
A man asks why he does this.
Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
****************************************************
Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with an open mouth?
Because his doctor advised him that "Today's dinner should be light"
****************************************************
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
Do you know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper was leak to
****************************************************
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!
*****************************************************
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first..!
*****************************************************
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
*****************************************************
Postman: - I had to come 5 Miles to deliver this package to you..
Sardar: - Why did you come so far? You could have just posted it
********************************************************
Sardar's wish: When i die, I wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the bus he was driving.. !
********************************************************
A teacher lecturing on population:
In India, every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a child.
A Sardar stands up and says, "We must find her & stop her"!
********************************************************
Sardar visits his Chinese friend who is dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says, "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.
Sardarji goes to China to find meaning in the friend's last words.
It meant, 'You are standing on the oxygen tube!" : ) : ) : )
********************************************************
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes
closed. His wife asked what you are doing?
He said. "I am seeing how I look when I sleep"!
*******************************************************
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess what...To avoid side effects!!!
*******************************************************
Man: Sardarji, where were you born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in Punjab"!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Between me and my boss
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
You and Your Boss
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
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